Oy With the Poodles Already

I have a friend at work (Stacy) who told me about her wedding and all of the drama that went along with it. When she first told me, I was like – Wow, that sucks for YOU. Thinking to myself, everyone is prone to drama but come on, really? Stacy told me that her best friend ditched her, so she had to find a new maid of honor…and she paid for that new one to fly down with her daughter, paid for the dress, the hotel, and her daughter’s flower girl dress….and the woman never spoke to Stacy again afterwards. Like ever again – it’s been ten years and nothing. Not even an iota. And then a week before the wedding, her Wedding Coordinator/Planner dropped her. After 5 years of being sober he goes on a binge a week before her wedding – that cost her $5000 (on top of the cost of the wedding). Because she could not contact him to figure anything out so she had to make/organize a million last-minute everythings (flowers, food, centerpieces, etc). Holy cow! Plus, she showed me photos of her wedding and the ones taken with the disposable camera by Aunt Bertha were better than the professional photographer’s images. That is freaking me out more than anything else…(insert hyperventilating).
So, when my Mom said, “Let’s have an actual wedding….” I have been cringing in anticipation waiting for something like that to happen. Thankfully – nothing horrendously awful has happened yet but “Oy with the poodles already” with the drama! There is more drama surrounding a wedding than in a girl’s high school locker room. Everything is so expensive and tedious and irritating. Let me get something straight for all of you bride to be’s out there – the wedding is not about you. If you want the wedding to be about you, elope. Getting married is about who is at the wedding – think about it. You are feeding them. The decorations are for them. Little things like trivia questions and puzzles are to entertain them as they impatiently wait for you to finish whatever trivialities you’re doing. You give them alcohol to calm them down and loosen them up for the dance floor where you continue to entertain them. And then you give them gifts at the end of the night, thanking them for coming to your wedding. And yes, you get married and have gifts…but unless you LOVE parties, who really wants to have a reception filled with crazy people you probably will never speak to again? (unless you’re related and then they are just crazy people – just kidding to all my relatives reading this…)
Although, I have literally had people ask me to move my wedding date. “Hey, that date doesn’t work for me, can you move it?” No. I can’t. Sorry but unless you want to pay the $700 in deposits I have made with everyone…and also pay for me to RESEND the save the dates and invitations…and everything else that has been personalized with July 12th (remember those hand-made magnets?). Nope. Sorry. I was telling this to my Mom while purchasing felt (for felt flower bouquets – photos are forthcoming) at Joann’s and I noticed the cashier responding through her facial expressions. First it was an eyebrow raise and then her eyes got really big.
Me: “See! Even she agrees with me.” (I motioned to the cashier)
Cashier: “Well, it’s none of my business but oh my goodness!!”
Me: “I feel more reasonable now that I have an impartial stranger’s opinion.”
Cashier: “Yeah, I know it’s none of my business but wow. That is just crazy. Who does that? I just – there are no words.”
Me: “I have to agree with you as well.”
And then we walked out. I have to agree that there is no rhyme or reason to the insanity of wedding planning. I don’t understand how people can deal with the wedding industry, you know, as their jobs. I think my brain would implode and then explode. As lucrative as those positions sound…unless it’s making/selling cool things on Etsy, I’m out. I mean, Oy with the poodles, already.

Everyone at work knows that I’m leaving so now I have people I have never spoken to (and who I am obviously not inviting to the wedding) coming up and asking me all sorts of questions.
Random Person: “Hey, Rachel! I hear you’re leaving the company. Congratulations!”
(It took a lot for me to not burst out laughing at being congratulated for leaving the company) Me: “Thanks.”
Random Person: “That is exciting! Are you excited?”
Me: “Yes. I am excited.”

And then there is the standard/cookie-cutter questions:
Random Person: “I hear you are leaving us and getting married. Congrats!”
Me: “Yes. Thank you.”
Random Person: “When is your last day?”
Me: “July 06th.”
Random Person: “Wow. Coming up quick. When are you getting married?”
Me (praying that they don’t ask for the location, time, etc): “July 12th.”
Random Person: “Wow. Are you nervous?”
Me (who has been aching to be married to my best friend for the past year – which has been long-distance): “Nope.”
Random Person (slightly taken aback by my blunt, no-hesitation answer): “Are you excited?”
Me (holding back the urge to be extremely sarcastic): “Yes.”
And then they just walk away…it’s really weird. One person even said that a month isn’t enough time with me and that they’ll need to come to my desk every day to get their “Rachel-fix”….Oh, dear God, no. Why is creepiness so darn abundant?

And let me be perfectly clear (and very cheesy): I am fully confident that Walter is my one and only – my true best friend – my other half – one who has been made for me – and that we have always been destined for each other – that every decision that we have made (and that others in our lives have made) has brought us to each other. If my Dad had not decided to go to law school in Florida when I was 10, I would not have gone to the college I did and I would have never met Walter. If I did not apply to be a Resident Assistant, I would not have lived in the building where we met. If Walter had been on the academic track that he had originally planned, he would have graduated college before we even met. If Walter had received an internship in Texas the summer of 2009 and if I had studied abroad in England that same summer…we would not have dated or fallen in love or had our first kiss. God has brought us together.
And this is not what I expected this post to turn into – haha.

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