Emily Gilmore Trouble

So, I’m probably going to get in trouble after I publish this post (what am I five?)…and no, I don’t mean “you didn’t eat your broccoli and so you don’t get dessert” or “you weren’t supposed to peek at your Christmas presents and now you’re grounded” or “you talked back to me and now you’re getting spanked” (yes, that was the extent of trouble in my childhood….I was sheltered, okay?). I mean, Emily Gilmore trouble. And for those of you who have never seen Gilmore Girls, the main character is quoted as saying this about her mother (Emily): “Well, I consider what my mother would do in a given situation, then I dial it back, and I have what Mussolini would do, then I dial it back, and I have what Stalin would do, and then I dial that back and then it starts approaching what a sane person would do.”
I can imagine myself in THAT kind of trouble…the kind of trouble where you feel someone walking up behind you but when you look no one is there…or you left the house to go to work and you feel like you forgot something but you can’t remember and it bothers you the rest of the day until you finally realize that important thing you forgot…it just sits on the back of your neck or in the corner of your eye until all of a sudden, you are in a trap. You are stuck in a snare, in a snake pit, in a shark’s mouth, in the lion’s den, “insert treacherous-sounding cliche with vicious animal maiming you here”.
 Well, I have a friend who is similar to Emily Gilmore (that’s safe and generic, right? – friend….). She acts fake all the time and makes you feel uncomfortably safe for the time being until she LUNGES into her attack and you wonder how she manages to do it to you every single time. Completely mind boggling. It’s like this strange, demented art form…like Jackson Pollack paintings or MySpace profile pictures or how the Kardashians can continue to make so much money.
 Well, this “friend” is just weird….on top of being just plain manipulative. There are so many specifics that I want to go into because you will laugh and cringe simultaneously. Like America’s Funniest Home Videos. But better. But I fear the wrath. It’s the ones that are patient enough to hit you hard over the long haul that you have to watch out for…it’s always the patient ones. Maybe once I have the Atlantic Ocean between us I will have the gall to go into more detail then…
You would think the weirdness would make you have some sympathy towards this person, which you do at first until you realize it’s a ploy. They are just trying to draw you into this trap of security…like an anaconda.
 Oh, and then there is the immense amount of passive-aggressiveness. How do you even deal with passive-aggressive people? They always seem so nice at first but then they say something completely offensive in a really upbeat and positive tone. Seriously, look at any of the Emily Gilmore quotes included for prime examples.
 My vagueness in all of this must be so confusing right now. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know what else I can say without being specific…so, I’m just going to leave you in this state of dissapointed confusion. Would sharing really awesome baby photos help? Well, if all else fails, watch Gilmore Girls and then you will find your specifics because this “friend” is exactly like Emily Gilmore. That’s all I can say…what if I said it was classified information? Would that sound cooler/more legitimate? Let’s just go with that – It’s classified (said with eyebrow raise…a cool one not a creepy one).


To end this bizarre/random post on a different note, I had a photo shoot with my sister and her son on Wednesday morning and I am unfortunately only allowed to share a few, so here they are:

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