Creepy Guys

Weekly Creepy Guy Encounter:
On my first day back to work after having my appendicitis removed, one of the first people I see – Creepy Guy. And, of course, he immediately goes up to Henrietta (turtle). Hey, baby. He gives her a kiss on the glass and then starts whispering to her: I know what you’re thinking, baby. You want to leave your cage. We need to get you out of there. This goes on for a few minutes and I try to ignore this intimate/awkward encounter. Once finished whispering sweet nothings (aka threats of kidnappings) to the turtle, he turns to me. He is wearing this tie with blue, red, yellow patterned design. At first, it almost looks like a cowboy-themed tie but on closer inspection, I see a small silhouette of a couple standing together at the top of the tie and then a large picture of a man kissing a woman towards the bottom. It immediately reminds me of Gone with the Wind.
I say, Nice tie.
Him: Well, thank you!
Me: Did you pick it out because it matches your shirt? (blue striped collared shirt)
Him: I did. I recently bought a lot of blue shirts and I need to get more ties to match.
Me: Apparently.
Him: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. (I am not kidding) Yes.
Me: It kinda looks like Gone with the Wind.
Him: It is. (He flipped the tie over and sewn onto the back of the tie was a label of authentication verifying that the tie was a legitimate artistic rendition of Gone with the Wind scenes.)
Me: Oh. Wow.
Him: Yeah. (He puffs out his chest, holding the tie) I guess you could call me Bret. Rit. Rick. Bet. Bob. Butt. Bet.
Me: How about I look it up?
Him: (While doing the Google search, he continues) Brit. Rick. Bick.
Me: It is Rhett. R-H-E-T-T.
Him: Oh, okay. Call me that. You know there is this famous line from that movie. Scarlett, I don’t give a damn. (He says this while holding his tie as if it were Scarlett and he was about to dip her into a kiss).
Me: Yes, I know.
Him: So, I heard that you were sick. (Not actually saying anything, he slowly rubs his stomach, eying me bizarrely while doing this weird eyebrow raise) 
Me: Yup. With appendicitis.
Him: WOW. I’ve heard of people getting that but I’ve never actually known anyone who did. That must have hurt.
Me: Yes. Yes it did.
Him: But you can walk now and everything?
Me: Nope. I just move around everywhere in my desk chair.
Him: Well, I’m glad you’re back. (He walked away rubbing his stomach).
Speaking of creepy, this young-looking guy walked into the building today. His blond hair was a couple inches in length but it looked as if the grease made it stand up more. He was unable to get through the door without turning to the side because he was carrying a hikers backpack with a skateboard, pots, and a sign saying “Need a Ride” attached. His face looked dirty and he had a bandaid on his chin. The bandaid was so big (or maybe his chin was so small) that it covered his entire chin. He looked like he was in his early 20s but I couldn’t tell. One of the VPs was in the lobby, texting away on his cell phone, as well as Stacy, who stood by the turtle tank (protecting Henrietta, I assume).
I’m lost. I was hoping you guys could help me.
VP: And where are you trying to go, young man?
Forest Road 238.
 (I start typing away on my computer, searching for directions)
Me: Are you sure you mean Forest Road 238? Maybe 238 Forest Road?
Uh, no. State Road 238. 
(I modify the search)
VP: (Looks over at me with huge, urgent eyes) Are you doing the search? What’s at State Road 238, young man?
Well, me and some buddies were camping for awhile, you know, just out in the woods with nature, chilling and being free. And I got a ride from this old woman who took me out to the woods and then I was just so tired that I fell asleep and then ate some food and I just forgot about her. And you know how old people are, they’re kinda slow and forgetful and I think she forgot about me, so I was going to go back there and see if she needed a ride or wanted to give me another ride…
Me: I’m printing out the directions now. (I don’t think what I gave him was right because Google Maps actually had State Road 238 in the middle of State Highway 366 which has no side roads next to it)
Oh, wow. You guys are great. Bye!
He seemed nice a bit nicer than he looked. The weird part was when the VP followed him out the door.
Stacy: What is ___ (VPs name) doing?
Me: Walking around. Being weird.
Stacy: Right. Being weird is what he does.
For a break from the creepiness, here are some photos I took yesterday:

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